TUBOB's blog

http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2013/jan/16/idaho-lawmaker-compares-abortion-and-prostitution/

According to Biblical scholars, a man cannot ejaculate his penis if it is in the vagina of a prostitute. His penis will stop his hot creamy load of seed before it is "planted in the barren and cold soil of a harlot" (Corinthians 17:1).

So, using the Logic of God (All Rights Reserved) if man cannot cause an unwanted pregnancy (because a man cannot cause an abortion as abortions are the same as prostitution) then a man cannot cause an abortion. Thus, all abortions are pregnancies caused by the dark seed of Satan. Ipso facto and vis a vis, a woman who gains an abortion is a witch. And we shalt not brook witches. Well, we can "brook" witches if that means drowning them in brooks.

God has always had this figured out. It is our duty, not His, to live by His unerring code.

Amen.

I've had literally tens of my Idaho friends and fans ask me about the recent presidential election, knowing full well I am always a balanced and fair interpreter and some might even say bellwether-man of the winds of ideological change.

So, first let me say to the devoted and focused supporters of Willard "Mitt" Romney - NEENER NEENER FUCK NEENER! Idiots

Really?

Really?

You actually thought this insectile cyborg-hate machine would win? Seriously? Look at those red/blue maps of the USA. Population Density, IQ, Racial/Ethnic Diversity, Nice places to eat out, Museums, Symphonies, etc etc

The Great White Shark of Dominant Culture America is beached and twitching in the multi-hued sand of this ass kicking nation.

The GOP pushing itself even FARTHER to the right is so brilliant. Wow. Stay hitched to Karl Rove's obvious superior political strategerianesque brilliance. So smart. So unstoppable. More Jesus. More Vagina Management by Caucasian Middle Aged Men. More safety net slashing. So scary! Can't wait for the midterms.

Oh yeah, the etch-a-sketch positioning was SO COOL. Just.so.cool. And brave!

Stay anachronistic. Stay angry. Stay anhedoniac

So here we go, here we go. Socialism! Islamic Indoctrination Centers in every major US city. Death panels. Destruction of small businesses. Chinese overlords. I can't wait! love love love to watch this nation be destroyed by DEVILCRATS and NOBAMA. Because, that's why we voted for him!

Smoking pot and marrying your drinking buddy is NOW LEGAL IN THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIK OF WASHINGTON! Here weeee go!

Really though, I think we'll be ok. Except for those teabaggers in their sad, droopy tricorns and their muskets either empty or fulla teardrop soaked gunpowder. Sorry, y'all. Guess you've been fucked right out of relevance by normal America. BUMMER.

So the Hippie Days of Halcyon America are here again and I, for one, am dancing with the devil and pleased as punch.

Here is why I support Romney/Ryan: I am tired of all the pre-Post Apoc fictionalizing and romanticizing and memorializing. Screw that. I'm excited for it to just happen. We all know we've wound this planet up and it's spinning off its moral and ecological axis to a hellish death world of hideous futures and worse presents. Only the dead will truly be free.

But hey, let's get to it. Obama just delays the inevitable. Sure, he might stave off some horrible stuff or even put us on an alternative trajectory. But only temporary. After Clinton rocked our world and put us on top what the f did America do? They elected the evil boy banjo head and his hell-borne demon guide. We don't deserve a good future. We can't handle prosperity and hope.

So go Mitt and Ryan! You fuckers are wrong enough, greedy enough, uncaring enough to jack the velocity up, keep us on course, and basically pedal to the medal us into the hellish and bleak future of have nots and about to become have nots. Let's get busy dying and killing and eating the carrion of our culture.

I'm armed. I'm camp and survival gear upped. I'm angry and hopeless. I'm ready. I know where to go, where to hide, how to steal your animals and children, and how to start up a neo-tribal collective of death loving and resource seizing survivors.

I'm ready to tattoo our tribal insignias and streak my body and face with warpaint. To burn oil, gas and tire fires in the middle of suburban and urban streets while gunfighting for a Jeep Wrangler, a fat labrador, and a couple of kids who look like they can work hard while chained and beaten.

Romney/Ryan - bring us a hopeless future of the rich enclaving away, fiddling while Rome conflagrates, and the rivers dry. We will find great sport in finding the rich and dragging them out of their McMansions and stealing their crap and drowning them in their pools and driving away in their Escalades and Lexuses with Metallica blaring and machine gun fire echoing in the night with tracers lighting up the sky with the future our Republican Party will bring us.

Let's fucking do it. Time for the end of the beginning and the beginning of the end.

Romney/Ryan 2012 AD. 0000 PA

Don't Tempt Me

Don't bait me, old man. I would be as an Idaho Gray Wolf having my way with a cardboard box full of mewling tabby kittens. Now calm down.
.

Making love to a howling Husqvarna chainsaw wielded by a pirate.
Getting a script of Hydrocodone for a very painful blown shoulder and getting this cool new roommate named Ryan Leaf on the same day.
Siamese cats in heat outside your open window the day after you come home with your new heart pacemaker.
Kneeling to worship on Easter and realizing Rick Santorum and family are seated next to you
Pitbulls named Turbo, Axle, TNT, Mugga, or Kafka
Your girlfriend asking you one morning if you'd read about this new yeast infection that can infect men turning them into simpering little cowards with diseased testicles the size of chickpeas
Cow wallpaper
Finally meeting Serephin and Sisyphus for beers and discovering all they want to talk about are their FREAKING DRUM CIRCLES in parks.
Dick Cheney getting a heart transplant when members of the non-demonic human race needing them die in hospitals.

Prior to removing their children from public schools to receive a religious-themed homeschooling, Idaho parents would be required to submit their children to a trans-metaphysical "soulogram" probe by a licensed atheist to include a recording of the actual absence of a soul. Parents would have the right to refuse to listen to the silence from a sentient human body devoid of any essence, spirit or other magical construction of "soul."

Prior to entering Idaho to live or temporarily work in a community with less than 20% minority population per the most current US Census, all Caucasian non-residents are required to submit to a trans-chromosomal "colorogram" to determine if they have any non-white genetic material. Individuals would have the right to refuse to listen to the automated voice stating their racial subtypes. Individuals lacking any racial diversity would not be allowed to reside in communities with less than 20% minority populations.

Prior to receiving purchase scripts for the following foodstuffs and spices often used in the preparation of squirrel meat, to include but not be limited to ketchup, tomato sauces, salt and pepper, salsa, flour, white and brown sugar, onion, potatoes, cabbage, teriyaki sauce, applesauce, chicken broth and beef bouillon, Idaho residents must submit to a trans-deliverance"rubeogram" to discern the sounds of banjos, washboards, pickup trucks idling, chainsaws, wolf hybrids howling, meth lab explosions. Individuals may not refuse to listen to the sounds of their internal hills and hollers if they intend to ingest Idaho's squirrels.

DFO: I'm cure-hee!-((us)) why you pick so man-he fights?

Me: I totally don't get the "cure-hee!-((us)) for "curious"

DFO: How about an ap-hollow-gee once in awhile?

Me: That's your fkn favorite isn't it? You gotta re-TIRE it, man.

DFO: re-TIRE is great! The seasoned citizens will love that!

Me: Seasoned citizens sounds like some depraved cannibalistic act involving spices and meat tenderizer. Dave, are you a cannibal?

DFO: You are itch-ZING for a trip to the cooler, sport

Me: WTF is the zing about? You're forcing it all the time.

DFO: That's it, buddy.

Me: You can't cooler me, I'm sitting in your fkn cubicle.

DFO: Cube-ick-hell!

Me: I taught you that one.

DFO: Hat Tip to you!

Me: Yeah. You're well-cum.

DFO: ???

Me: I have a thing for swarth.

DFO: !!!

Me: Thought I should let you no.

I am filled with a molten outrage over the banning of Sisyphus from a mid-sized city newspaper blog representing and pandering to the Homo Neanderthalenus-Drosophila Melanogaster hybrids of North Idaho.

It isn't because I actually read the grinding scroll of that hideous newspaper forum, although Sisyphus certainly cracks open their rickety outhouse door of pungent, gaseous diatribes and echo chambering with his reality-based commentary and gentle nudging of the resident Lord of the Outhouse People, but I have many more important endeavors to engage in during the day, e.g. memorizing the entire Joe Jackson catalog for "New Wave Brit Invasion Karaoke Night" down at the Dew Drop Wagon Wheel Inn.

But it just flaps my forward gunwales to imagine an America where the free exchange of ideas, even if they contradict or are too logical and humane for the Outhouse People to absorb or even allow to rattle around in their severely sloped and carbuncle covered heads like ball bearings in a gumball machine in the back of an 86 Subaru Brat (the official Car-Truck of North Idaho), is stifled by a tinpot internet Dictator presiding over his swampy banana republic of morons, jethros, hillbillies, wingnuts, assholes, teabaggers, snowballers, pukes, birthers, bible slapping Jesus monkeys, bikers, hellions, scofflaws, and rubes.

Seriously, compare Boise to Coeur D'Alene? My God, that is like comparing a fish with lungs learning to motate on muddy land with an intestinal flatworm clinging with a gaping starving maw for bits of semi-digested squirrel and beans.

Be that as it may, since I don't read it anyway and have been myself banned for over a year I don't suspect a boycott by me will be of any import.

HOWEVER I CAN STILL POST ANGRY PROTESTY YOUTUBES. GO TO HELL HBO

Idaho legislators propose allowing quad trailer semi trucks hauling toxic waste to use decommissioned Soviet submarine reactors as "supplemental engines on low density highways" to travel at sub-sonic speeds.

Idaho legislators propose tattooing "Jesus Saves" or "Jesus Saved Me" on the foreheads of all Idaho DOC prisoners convicted of malicious mischief or theft charges involving churches or temples.

Idaho legislators propose elimination of all public benefits for anyone who refuses to take polygraph examinations to monitor their use of food and medical benefits.

Idaho legislators propose issuing a State of Idaho Warrant and Detainer for the arrest of President Barack Obama as a foreign agent/provocateur.

Idaho legislators propose a proclamation which states Governor Brewer of Arizona is Idaho's "Official Soul Sister!"

Idaho legislators propose a "Free State Timber" day in honor of their esteemed member, Phil Hart, where one day each summer Idaho residents can cut trees on Idaho state land for their personal use only.

Idaho legislators propose a new public education system in which all K-12 students will be issued inexpensive smart phones with three basic educational applications and be sent home to "do God's will and some phone learnin'"

Idaho legislators propose a proclamation declaring the Caterpillar D5 as the official Idaho bulldozer.  read more »

we gave you video games
the internet
dvr recorders
kindle readers
plasma teevees
hummingbird feeders
bacon
mango salsa
online banking
orgasm faking
cable talk shows
the left, the right
high sarcasm
mega churches
surfing kites
cellular phones
gay marriage
delivery pizza
SSRIs, hydrocodone,
electric cars
many hoppy ales
iTunes
IKEA black leather sofas
seahawk fails
electric guitars
remote controls
sudoko, sushi
dancing w the stars

we gave you
so much from
weak to stronger
short to longer
so why
must you occupy
anything but
a soft couch or
barcalounger?

here comes the march of the dumb
like witches on meth
or frogs on a drum
one two four three
they are wet lipped w tea baggery
fence posts are smarter
bricks r more fun
tea party members dig themselves
then sniff at their thumbs
lacking imagination,
numb to the parts and the sum
oh here it comes,
here comes the march of the dumb
they walk into light posts
chant at the sun
denser than fruitcakes
smelling like chum
their bibles have pictures
comic book superhero god's son
with a stars and stripes cape
a Dodge Ram half ton
let's help these morans
buy even more high cap handguns  read more »

Good food
Good meat
Good God let's
continue to demand class enrichment
laws to accelerate the velocity of inequitable
wealth distribution
let us collude, obfuscate, pontificate
until it is too late
we got ours and we'll grab yours
let us break social contracts
burn safety nets in the bonfires of our greed
and bottomless tar pits of privilege
Lord take the poor, vulnerable, needy
and weak
get them jobs at IHOP scrambling my eggs
burning my steak
in Your name we take

the mirror of the window of the universe
opens to the transcended mind prism parallax
parallax
parallax
parallax
parallax
mind
mind
mind prism
parallax

i see you and you see me and what we see is enmity
is magnanimity
is amity amity amity ville
horror what you see is horror horror horror

where is your shining parallax god son now as the window
closes
the mobarity of my third eye opens a new window sees the parallax
parallax
parallax
parallax
parallax
mind mind opens
mobarity mind opens
mitt mobarity mitt parallax
mitt
mitt
rick  read more »

benign nightmare flails
slumbering gem fries, leper
rising, stupid fucks

prying sheep deafens
red state, alligators dream
eternal bloodshot

Howdy, I'm a long time Christian Republican farmer in the Rainbow Valley of Southern Idaho and am writing on Idaho blogs and newspaper forums of both the right and the left so as to harken all the fine citizens of this frontier-rural pre-urban state to sit the hell up and sound the bellweather of alarm for what's about to destroy the agri-way of life of not only the pristine and heavily fertilized Rainbow Valley but damn near the rest of my home state. Yes, I'm a native to Idaho and am startled at the failure to act as the scourge of Argentina is now gaining a roothold in the volcanic soils of Idaho: Andean Pampas Grass!  read more »

leprechaun despairs
grouchy anus collapsing
cataclysmic dick

if i was a 'publican
i'd probably drown myself
if i was a 'publican
i'd probably drown myself

i know that i'm evil and
i embrace all the injustice

lord, if i was a 'publican
take me off this mortal coil
lord, if i was a 'publican
take me off this mortal coil

send me to the devil
for whom i have so toiled

if i was a 'publican
i'd probably eat my shotgun
oh, if i was a 'publican
lord, i'd eat my damn gun

taste the hot metal and powder
go down like the setting sun

We Have Tails!
22 Chromosomes
You Will Know Us By Our Trail of Otter Pop Wrappers and Clumps of Hair
Heads Like Chives
My Two Left Feet
When Jethro Met Hattie